The Strength to be Found in Facing Your Truths (Part Two)
Written by Yasmin, featured on her blog Eternal Change.
I knew I couldn’t go on like this any longer. Making the conscious decision to change my life and begin the healing process, I sought help with my mental illnesses. I turned to the closest people to me and spent what felt like hours unravelling the knot my mind had twisted into and was met with immeasurable support and unconditional kindness.
Throughout that whole time, I was convinced it was the judgement of others I feared but I actually feared myself. Once I finally allowed this to sink in, the haze suffocating the path to healing began to clear. I couldn’t expect my mind and body to magically recover itself if I wasn’t willing to assist the recovery myself. After choosing to leave my job and seek help for my depression and eating disorder, both my mind and body began to settle.
Though it was daunting, and despite the wobbles, worry and anguish, I got through the doctors’ appointments I never thought I would. I spoke about the voice in my head that had been tormenting me and it felt as if someone had threw a rope ladder down the concaved walls of the abyss I had so long been stuck in.
After embarking on this exploration, the durability and fortitude I possessed was clearer to me than it ever had been before. To endure yearlong battles with yourself, continuing to delve deep enough within you to carry on, is the most tiresome feud you’ll ever be a part of – simply because there is no way to triumph without part of you having to admit defeat. A lecturer of mine reminded me of this amidst, yet another, one of my university breakdowns.
This experience has taught me more of my resilience, determination, mind, and self more than any other event will ever be able to.
The deeper understanding I have of myself has prepared me for obstacles I may have to work to overcome in the future. If I can push through something as challenging as this, then I have the stamina to push through anything that may come my way. I am thankful that I am now able to provide support and understanding to those around me who are suffering, and warn of the hurdles that may lie ahead. I can be the voice to say, “there is another option – it isn’t just a matter of giving in.”
Most of all it has taught me that it is not weak to admit to needing help. The earlier you take the steps to recovery, the more likely it’ll be that there will be fewer bumps along the road. No matter what may lie before you in the mountains you need to trek across, each step will seem less steep if you take the hand of those around you who are offering.
Though I was guilty of remaining silent, due to not wanting to burden those I love and instead channelled my energy into helping them, I learnt that no matter how desperately I wanted to be present for the people I cared for most, I couldn’t unless I was present within myself first. Some of the closest people to me taught me this, and I hasten to say I owe those individuals more than I am able to give.
You are the first step in your own healing – no matter how much effort your friends are willing to take responsibility for. The united support of those around you, paired with the newfound belief in yourself, will cause you to always feel undefeated; nothing could tear you down again.
Don’t get angry with people wanting to help you and turn them away, after every suggestion made, in fear of ridicule; chances are, they are as scared for you as you are for yourself.
Be brave and buoyant and assist those trying to keep you afloat. It isn’t possible to be a life raft for someone who isn’t ready to be saved.
“Someday you’ll look back and know exactly why it had to happen” – Unknown
Author: Jodie Hoskin
Posted on: 17th June 2020